Wo bu zhi dao

Just, alot of thoughts running through my mind this night. Idk how to help? I really can feel that this is a pretty bad situation idk? And im scared of things that might result due to this situation. Life is jarsh imean. Idk why is it suddenly like this but i really hope life gets better for them. And idk all i can do now is prolly to be really sensible and lessen their burden in any way possible. But it really sucks knowing i cant help. And i dont really know the intensity level of it and i literally have super wild thoughts but i really have a good feeing about this. Imean its ben quite a while and it takes some intensity for her to tell us to wisen up and. Idk. Idk its tough i just hope it gets better for them. And that 

With chinese os also its pretty scary. Gotta really do my best now to not diaaapoint. Well atleast i guess thats the least i can do. 

Self realisation

Its been so long and well since its reflection day tmr/i never thought i would actually take it so seeiously/ its about time i think before it ets crazy. 

Last year was pretty much a wreck, esp the front part. Had to deal with allthose friendship stuffs like so much battle and then i finally settled. And i made amazing friends at the end of the year an it was crazy cos that was prolly one of the bestest things. And obviously on reflection day it just suddenly hit me so bad it was really bad it was like intense rainfall.  Then we changed class.

And then we have this year. At first it hought it was pretty much gonna be cool then im like nah not really anymore but then i finally also settled and hopefully got a partner in class. Things were pretty smooth and then chairman problem came. Friendship was pretty smooth an it was all good/ except the front part pf the tear with rachel but im glad its settled/ chairman shit got worser and worser and i really really hated it to the f max i wanted to give up. So obviously i had to make the choice to talk to teacher and ask. But nope she didnt allow me at least until the en of the year. Ok so i got passed fiesta which was prolly one of te craziest thung i had to settle and then i started lepaking my role and didnt want to care anymore. Tmr is alr the lat say of school. I can finally go the the teacher and be like its alr the end o the year can i not be anymore. Part of me doesnt wanna do this cos people will think that im such a sore loser how i give up. But im going to make that choice for myself. Its about time the class gets a better leader cos i didnt really do much justice to the class. Its going to be tough approaching her and idek how to strt the convo with the teacher but im gonna do it. This shit is about it end i promise. Honestly, i can say that the worst thing that ever happened to me this year is prolly being chair. /im very thankful to those who really cared and helped when they could tell that i was stressed and all8)/ 

And then about end of term3 till now. I've been doing alot of refelction. You know when you think that you totally have a settled one but actually its only one sided yeap imean all the time rigt. And i realised. It wa pretty crazy and stupid how it took me so log to realised but i realised and i came to a conclusion that you know everyone is just a friend. And i think sometimes i lose myself and ten to forget about tjat but once i get hit and think about it again. It kinda calms me down. Everyone IS just a friend. At the end o the day in society everyone is going to fight for their role whos gonna care about you. 

Its great cos i realised. Now that i realised it might be chuldish im treating it but its only good to me. Imight lose some people but im makig that decision to not be attached thats the worst thing ever. She has her friend i have my friend its about time i realised and i stopped being stupid to think it was actually, what i really looked at it as. Maybe im thinking too much again but then again its true that you got the whole world behind you so. Im just gonna be neutral about it and leave with not being attached eeryone is just a friend 

And then revently i thought about stuff and i realised youknow i do have people. And then something hits me and then i realised maybe not. Yhen it hit me again what happened to not being attached everyone is jst a friend. So im trying to keep living by that and you know just go with the flow and see what happens next year. 

Im mot saying im so sad and that i have no friend. Hello i do imean i think rsong and i are pretty hehe now. /by hehe i mean friendahip wise we're pretty going well/ but sometimes i get cray and not think properly. Im not saying im not blessed. Im freaking lucky to have all these friends around me all the time. Its just thay i tend to lose track of who really really is. 

All im trying to say is that. Its important to self realise. If you were to ask me whats most significat this year. It would be self realisation. Ive pretty learnt quite alot about myself this year. I realised mnay things whats who important and whats not as important. 

Its the greatest thing. Through self realising i might have been abit shocked, but now that im pass it, and still realising it gets better. 

I am actually freaking lucky. I have pretty stable frieds around me. People all around t he world get bullied get into depression and im complaining about just one or two friend now being the "craziest"/self defined/ i should really just be really appreciative and take everythibg lightly. 

But then again when you take everything lightly

Sudden reflection though. Im just hoping for shit that, the whole chair thing would be settled.

And hell no, that i dont rainfall again this reflection day... 

/ZOO WITH DA RSONG AND TERESA WAS KINDA FUN TODAY. Imean, inner animal in me/