Well well well

Well this woman here has been pretty hormoney these days plus that wonderful dream and all these good drama and its bad but its okau. Its important to foxus on myself and not get distracted by random people. /crying laughemoji/ ITS COOL IT IS. 我可以的lol. Okay yes okau i just had to idek why am i like this. This woman is such a girl. Ugh. 

BYE. 

/btw those heels are just sexy i had too.//little mix bts video/ 

Wo bu zhi dao

Just, alot of thoughts running through my mind this night. Idk how to help? I really can feel that this is a pretty bad situation idk? And im scared of things that might result due to this situation. Life is jarsh imean. Idk why is it suddenly like this but i really hope life gets better for them. And idk all i can do now is prolly to be really sensible and lessen their burden in any way possible. But it really sucks knowing i cant help. And i dont really know the intensity level of it and i literally have super wild thoughts but i really have a good feeing about this. Imean its ben quite a while and it takes some intensity for her to tell us to wisen up and. Idk. Idk its tough i just hope it gets better for them. And that 

With chinese os also its pretty scary. Gotta really do my best now to not diaaapoint. Well atleast i guess thats the least i can do. 

Self realisation

Its been so long and well since its reflection day tmr/i never thought i would actually take it so seeiously/ its about time i think before it ets crazy. 

Last year was pretty much a wreck, esp the front part. Had to deal with allthose friendship stuffs like so much battle and then i finally settled. And i made amazing friends at the end of the year an it was crazy cos that was prolly one of the bestest things. And obviously on reflection day it just suddenly hit me so bad it was really bad it was like intense rainfall.  Then we changed class.

And then we have this year. At first it hought it was pretty much gonna be cool then im like nah not really anymore but then i finally also settled and hopefully got a partner in class. Things were pretty smooth and then chairman problem came. Friendship was pretty smooth an it was all good/ except the front part pf the tear with rachel but im glad its settled/ chairman shit got worser and worser and i really really hated it to the f max i wanted to give up. So obviously i had to make the choice to talk to teacher and ask. But nope she didnt allow me at least until the en of the year. Ok so i got passed fiesta which was prolly one of te craziest thung i had to settle and then i started lepaking my role and didnt want to care anymore. Tmr is alr the lat say of school. I can finally go the the teacher and be like its alr the end o the year can i not be anymore. Part of me doesnt wanna do this cos people will think that im such a sore loser how i give up. But im going to make that choice for myself. Its about time the class gets a better leader cos i didnt really do much justice to the class. Its going to be tough approaching her and idek how to strt the convo with the teacher but im gonna do it. This shit is about it end i promise. Honestly, i can say that the worst thing that ever happened to me this year is prolly being chair. /im very thankful to those who really cared and helped when they could tell that i was stressed and all8)/ 

And then about end of term3 till now. I've been doing alot of refelction. You know when you think that you totally have a settled one but actually its only one sided yeap imean all the time rigt. And i realised. It wa pretty crazy and stupid how it took me so log to realised but i realised and i came to a conclusion that you know everyone is just a friend. And i think sometimes i lose myself and ten to forget about tjat but once i get hit and think about it again. It kinda calms me down. Everyone IS just a friend. At the end o the day in society everyone is going to fight for their role whos gonna care about you. 

Its great cos i realised. Now that i realised it might be chuldish im treating it but its only good to me. Imight lose some people but im makig that decision to not be attached thats the worst thing ever. She has her friend i have my friend its about time i realised and i stopped being stupid to think it was actually, what i really looked at it as. Maybe im thinking too much again but then again its true that you got the whole world behind you so. Im just gonna be neutral about it and leave with not being attached eeryone is just a friend 

And then revently i thought about stuff and i realised youknow i do have people. And then something hits me and then i realised maybe not. Yhen it hit me again what happened to not being attached everyone is jst a friend. So im trying to keep living by that and you know just go with the flow and see what happens next year. 

Im mot saying im so sad and that i have no friend. Hello i do imean i think rsong and i are pretty hehe now. /by hehe i mean friendahip wise we're pretty going well/ but sometimes i get cray and not think properly. Im not saying im not blessed. Im freaking lucky to have all these friends around me all the time. Its just thay i tend to lose track of who really really is. 

All im trying to say is that. Its important to self realise. If you were to ask me whats most significat this year. It would be self realisation. Ive pretty learnt quite alot about myself this year. I realised mnay things whats who important and whats not as important. 

Its the greatest thing. Through self realising i might have been abit shocked, but now that im pass it, and still realising it gets better. 

I am actually freaking lucky. I have pretty stable frieds around me. People all around t he world get bullied get into depression and im complaining about just one or two friend now being the "craziest"/self defined/ i should really just be really appreciative and take everythibg lightly. 

But then again when you take everything lightly

Sudden reflection though. Im just hoping for shit that, the whole chair thing would be settled.

And hell no, that i dont rainfall again this reflection day... 

/ZOO WITH DA RSONG AND TERESA WAS KINDA FUN TODAY. Imean, inner animal in me/

Hello

Okay all these weekly monthly shit.

Okay its almost like this month/term my attitude during school changed so much. Chemistry literally irritates me every single day. I love chemistry okay. But miss loo just makes it so rushed and anxious its samn hard for me and like with her intimidatinf voice and me not being able to solve questions its like balls and thinking that chem used to be ma best and now its about to be ma worst, its scary.i really cant and thats totally why im stayinnin class for recess thesedays. I just need to re read everyday or sth and figure out cos like mole/chem cal/qa drives me insane. 

And then theres other subjects you know i think i kinda caught up so like all kinda on task but then just the chem just makes me feel like a freaking loser like why dont it just understand. Its insecurity of losing your best subj as noob as this sounds. I really worried as hell ok. Its like a turn off everything its chemistry lesson.

Then we have all the social life. Idk it was benecia's birthday yesterday big timez. Like big time. If i wasnt all petty and all and like stepped up, it wouldnt have ruined her burthday so much for that im like so so so so so sorry. Like when we went to surprise her at night again, the cry she cried was so genuine. Like its like sorrow and some what touched too. But its like onewhole day of hardship and unconcerned friends and like finally. I jus wanna let you lnow that i/we/whatever didnt forget and we really appreciate you ok. It might prolly be the worst but it wont happen again okay:-( sorry.

Then we have recess. Idk its almost loke once i dont go down i dont feel like going down anymore. Its like so what if im not there right. And idk recess table now is so complicated i cant. Last year though horrid year, recess table was da best okay:-( ahyah whatever lah. 

And then thres piano exam and i just had lesson and iscrewedup big time an im so stressed cos icant dissapoint all that shit. Just no.

Meanwhile, rach song very dedicated these days ah. Follow me to piano so sweet ok. Wo ai bu shi ni. 

And just. 5 weeks to eoys. Not cool ok.

Okay aint no shit getting in my way its late but its time to change da attitude and stop thinking. 

Neutrality

Sometimes, you have fun with the friends around hang out laugh about things. And then sometimes you stop and reslised that, you have nobody. You dont really know who and what is actually real. Sometimes its just the moment of friendship. What is that. Its frustrating. What is friendship lol. Its like a one night stand of friendship. When you wanna hang out and laugh you do it and then forget about it. And When one feels lonely again they come to you and talk and another round of one night friendship shit. Im confused. What. Who exactly is what. Maybe all this time its just delusion. No one exactly is a friend. Everythings a lie of just having fun. They have their own and all sorts. Maybe the mentality of remaining suoer neutral will help. Everyone is just a friend. Its nothing else. Everything just happens for a while and things get forgotten. And people just come and go. And its all just a party idek.  Maybe all along it was like that. Maybe its just time to be be neutral at all sorts. And you know nobody matters. At the end of the day, family. And maybe its time to focus on whats the target and aim even tho its still about a year, Os. Maybe its time to really prioritise and figure out what do i want in life and these lil fun can just be literally lil fun that nobody takes note of cause, it gets confusing. Maybe theres only one true bestfriend. it was confusing but i guess its all good now. other than that, Its one sided again, maybe its just me, overthinking the shit. Maybe its just me for being such a failure at this. But. Time is needed for me to adapt that shit. 

Again and again just got be reminded that. 

everyones just a friend. Or even less. 

Neutrality. 

Meanwhile,

academic is failing hard its so tough. Idek whats the problem. Oh whatever. 

Ps. Im not complaining. Im friggin lucky to have these people around me but i question myself. Insecuritiesyouknow. 

shits

fup shit when you cant even get simple things right.

fup shit when you create uneccessary problems and conflicts in the house.

fup shit when you realised how of a fup person you are.

maybe this is all the shit thats about to come in the term. 

what great immunity. 

just

give me a break from everything everyone cares yes i know i really do but sometimes the truth is that the problem lies in me and i cant idek i overthink so much its super unhealthy i wanna die whenever i overthink but i cant idk why i do that why am i like tjat i really dont and theres being sensitive which i have no idea why and when you put those two tgt its like a friggin volcano eruption idk how am i suppose to even express it
idk how can i go on without the thought of idek i just i meed to stop its always the wrong tome just stop i cant reslly i really cant just give me a break just just im losing myself already.

its been a thousands

updates

been watching quite a few movies. jack the giant slayer with ethel. warm bodies woth the band(?) hehehehehhe ermm the host yes. 

ok so went to watch the host nefore tuition thr with ethel and alyssa on sattttt;) i guess high expectations of the movie made it linda bad but i guess its alright. a very soulful movie i gotta say8) it was pretty funy cos theres wa like what 9people ik the theatre only. best. so we rried shopping lookin for stuff but mo. nope. not at all. life everybody thats life. when you want it you dont find it . when you dont want it you constantly find it. okay yeah then we head for tuition onviously then yeapsies. wendy couldnt come cos of her what swimming daye with her fam. yeah. 

and then sog and i went to miyoc on the sunday despite amanda and yenxin telling us how horrible it was. and yeap they lied up to their words. xouldnt find anything of my type so i guess. aucks. the place really ulu though. a good place to do some photocamig so ofcos we did. funny nicole chong wanted some clothes brandy-alike and i guessnope. its okay. so then we decided to head to orchard i swear the trip from woodlands to orchard is like from dau to night. our legs were like.  so then we decided to get coffee bean. despite starbucks tmr thats just horribly bad and i actually likes my mocha with chocolate ayrup! ithink i might buy that instead of starbucks from now hmm but still its a nad splurge. rhen h&m then cine then song sadly statyed etting her flu and i decded i buy my first bffries. which i rhiught really sucks an i theew the whole thig away since rsong couldnt eat it cos of her nationals/WHAT/ yeap i guess life. then we head back and now im tired and i havent cinished chinese.

OH HAHAHA and since woodlands 1 was so good to photocam we posted our first keek video. /youtubervoice/ DO RMB TO GIVE A THUMPS UP IF YOU ENOJIYED THE VIDEO AND COMMENT DOWN BELOW ON WHAT YOU TINK OF OUR VIDEO AND HOW YOU THOUGHT THE NIYOC SALES WAS!;) http://www.keek.com/!q6HCbab

hahah ok but it was pretty fun guess we'll start keeking? 

and the ca2 stress is killing cos 30% pus theres no ca3. tht just sucks. esp with all the topics tested. amath seriously, surds logs, indices all tgt and 7 other sub topics. no thats not cool. AH. i guess its really work hard from the start of the term ah. 

lets take some time to appreciate this wondeful art.

my photos arent organised nicely heh

;)http://www.keek.com/!q6HCbab

howsexy these shoes are, esp with those socks.

mope.

every girl needs a good pair of dumbells to work with

been tryna curls everything i go out

lets take some time to appreiciate how beautiful this is too

field trip sucks.

this is nicole chong for you everybody.

hey not bad ok all credits to me.

maybe coffeebeans not bad after all. eexcludes ethel's face yeaps

with tha band.

racial harmony

my dream curls ok.

and cos yolo. 

weird

this is weird this is not right idek what im thinking im prolly just stressed again PSH. watching glee reading novels ait helping but its okay ya know it will fade yes it will okay. yeap. cool. \m/

just a random photo cos those lips are perfect. /not mine/ /like hello obviously/

life

you know when everything just crumbles all at once and you have no one really to tell how you feel cos it suck balls and just everything i try to try so hard to solve the situation it just becomes worser and nothing goes well and just when everything comes tgt and make life feel like its unmeaningful and just fucking hell like why must it all crumble. im fuking sensitive and i really cant. must it really be that way. when someone attack obviously they have mo idea about what the person is really actually going through. not just smiling makes anythig better. im just i try ok. i had trust and i totally lost it. ok i get it you dot want a 3 person friendship ok ill not get in your way anymore and then another one that i love but i relaly have no idea how to express my feelings for cos its hard and just life is fucking miserable and shitass. and just suck balls and its just difficult. and just just idk it feels like sec1 all again and just crumble everynight and just it justsucks alot and just failure in life. everything is not alrigjt ok really it isnt anymre. sometimes ya we have our happy times in life but sometimes it just doesnt work out and life just seeem like a fucking failure. im not doing welll cca is foolish crap again friendship problems which ive never expected and its so hard to face and then home. like thats the ficking horrible combinaion youcan get thats like what else do i have nothing but myself. it stress yaknow. stress like when everything comes tgt and you just keep it in one day everything will explode. youthink i wanna crumble infront of you no idont cos i know it will hurt you cos i know you love me but at the end of the day dad im really im just going thru somwtime for my age is very difficult and i have a ducking ca to take this week and this kinda shit like wtf this is not what i want. ir jusr makes me reflect so much about life. what have i done wrong. maybe every step in my life was a wrong step. and please i god beg you to stop argueinf cos its fucking annoying and i cant even study anymre. i cant i jst cant and the days that i look forward coming home its all gone now wth. i really appreciate it i really do but how do i expeess it you tell me i just just i guess this is life right. i just hope it gets better

rushed shoppin day out

heh so finally went out shopping since everyone has got me jealous with their cny loots. and so tjere i was with song who nicely came after dance before camp, THANKYOU!(: and finally got some devent shorts which is unbelievable for my bpui legs:( and controlled so its gooddd yeahhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh okay camp very soon im just begging to be goood and bonded and brig our class tgt please im begging! ok chaiiiiiiii ciaoooo


and ps i was so touched by my bio twacher who is super nice she asked if we wanted food for camp and we were like we can bring and then ses like oh since cant bring snacks ive bought you all lozenges. SO NCE RIGHT OMG and shes like in the moning eat one at night eat one i was so touched i could have died and then she wiped out the banana boat and then like wth why is she so nice and shes like you all after bathe everybody apply some ok im really so toched i really could have cried it feels so good to be loved by a teacher as class like since when does a sec sch teache even cares about a shit about us and then she also specially bought rachel ang eyemo cos of her eye irritation so nice right omg i wanna die okay shes so so nice she even requested for our clas tee and shes not even our form and our form even kinda wanted to mot have it to save money wth I LOVE YOU MRS LIM SO NICE YOU ARE ONNA GET A BIG BIG TEACHERS DAY PRESSIE.

oh and today i went to vs alone before song came and they were so nice to me i cant even. they were like can i have you in the mailing list and when i was lookin at the fragrance they were like oh do you need help are you ettin it for yourself or your friends and all that and im like i thought sales assistance never gives a damn about kids, imean we are all poior right wth. okay so its good that they realised that excuse you, prolly most of your sales are from teenagers like us who spend money when we want to.

ok enough byeeee