Neutrality

Sometimes, you have fun with the friends around hang out laugh about things. And then sometimes you stop and reslised that, you have nobody. You dont really know who and what is actually real. Sometimes its just the moment of friendship. What is that. Its frustrating. What is friendship lol. Its like a one night stand of friendship. When you wanna hang out and laugh you do it and then forget about it. And When one feels lonely again they come to you and talk and another round of one night friendship shit. Im confused. What. Who exactly is what. Maybe all this time its just delusion. No one exactly is a friend. Everythings a lie of just having fun. They have their own and all sorts. Maybe the mentality of remaining suoer neutral will help. Everyone is just a friend. Its nothing else. Everything just happens for a while and things get forgotten. And people just come and go. And its all just a party idek.  Maybe all along it was like that. Maybe its just time to be be neutral at all sorts. And you know nobody matters. At the end of the day, family. And maybe its time to focus on whats the target and aim even tho its still about a year, Os. Maybe its time to really prioritise and figure out what do i want in life and these lil fun can just be literally lil fun that nobody takes note of cause, it gets confusing. Maybe theres only one true bestfriend. it was confusing but i guess its all good now. other than that, Its one sided again, maybe its just me, overthinking the shit. Maybe its just me for being such a failure at this. But. Time is needed for me to adapt that shit. 

Again and again just got be reminded that. 

everyones just a friend. Or even less. 

Neutrality. 

Meanwhile,

academic is failing hard its so tough. Idek whats the problem. Oh whatever. 

Ps. Im not complaining. Im friggin lucky to have these people around me but i question myself. Insecuritiesyouknow.