netball

ok so today was the crazy cca day. 8-11 track 11-12 lunch 12-2 track 2-5 netball. the schedule was shitty enough. did pretty badly for discus with like forgetting everything taught until miss chan kinda gave up on me since i was totally stressed out then till turn throws it was alot better. lunch stuff and then finally netball, alreay dead shit. so we managed to ask miss nura whether can we not play since theres a friendly! and so yeap everythig was fine until she came an told us tht we must at least play one match. so there i go. and before the match,


coach called me over and said this:
you only have one chance to prove yourself.


you have no idea that kinda stress was like cryable. and i mean eventho its not like i want it bad but obviously you wanna play well and not dissapoint him. so there i go screwin up the whole game. i dont think it was cos of track in the morning it aint an excuse its just me. never have i been able to work well under stress and just screwed. ended the game feeling like it was the end of the world.
its jut irritating. i was given a chance. he did actually think that i can actually make it. like maybe only 1% but still, there was that 1% of "respect" for my netball skills if that makes sense and i just ruined the whole thing. the kinda feelig when something is so close yet so far and gone in like a split second/ even tho the game was 10mins/ hmm ok felt shit cleared my thoughts and thought that i should thank and apologise to coach since youknow. apologise and thanked him for the opportunity not really expecting any aswer he took some time and he was like umm, it was okay.


but do you have any interest in making it into the team or you wanna do other thing else?

that kinda meaning. are u stupid. obviously i want. but im not capable of it. obviously he replied with this is mot the answer i want so ohwell. i should have told him yes, but next year.
okay im just really thankful he gave me a chance and told me that, even tho it made t worst8) just really thankful. and i just need to focus on track now sice its pretty stressful there since theres sixing jiaying and luisa(?) as seniors doing discusss~____~ and LEARN HOW TO DAMN MANAGE MY EMOTIONS AND STUFF AND PERFORM UNDER PRESSURE. yeap.
CANT WAIT TO GO OUT WITH GWYNETH AND SONG TMR THOOOO;)